Dating your ex husbands friend

Before this I had talked to him extensively about my situation and he was always a great support through the tough parts of my marriage. My ex-husband ended up finding out we had been seeing each other and when ballistic. He told my parents and all of our friends that NOW I was having an affair.

I couldn't believe it.

Sex expert Tracey Cox reveals the questions to ask before you dating your friend's ex

He decided now that he wanted to come back. Anyway, I said to little too late. We ended up going through with the divorce against his wished. It was final in February of Jim and I continued to see each other very casually. I also dated other casually for a few months. But in recent weeks it started getting more serious as we started seeing each other and talking to each other more often.

I was starting to have the thoughts of what are we doing here, just having fun, or what, etc, etc So one night we ended up getting drunk together and he spilled his guts. He said that he really, really liked me, but he felt guilty about the whole situation. He was dating me, his friend, who was once married to his other friend. He said he didn't know that he could deal with all the baggage that came with this. Also the fact that my parents know what happened between us before my divorce was legal also bothered him.

He also brought up the fact that he said I'm a strong successful woman with a house and all this stuff. He wasn't sure he could offer me the same to make me happy. He asked me what I wanted of him. I told him I didn't need money or any of those things. I just wanted someone to spend time with that would love me and make me happy. I point blank said I wanted to see where this was going. We could take it slow and just see where it ends up.

We also talked about marriage, and family and children and what the future could bring. I haven't seen him since that night Friday May 1st and I don't really know what to say at this point. My ex-husband is totally out of my life now. We had no children.

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There is now no contact at all between us. And I know they will never be friends again after this. But I can't help wonder about the whole situation. I guess I don't know if I should keep pursuing this. Has anyone ever had a similar situation work out? So far this man has made me very happy. Should I keep pursuing this? Share Share this post on Digg Del. Sounds like the guy really likes you.

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Dear God woman, listen to yourself. At this point, your marriage was over, your husband had his chance, he blew it, he lost you. You had every right to go and find someone else who does want you and does care about you. Of course your husband changed his mind when he heard about this, it's that male competition thing, made more intense because he knew the guy that you're now with.

As regards him telling your parents and everyone else.

Betrayal: Is it ever OK to date your friend’s ex?

Well boo hoo for him. Your ex-husband "Sob, and then she went off with a good friend of mine, I feel so betrayed by both of them". Did you tell your parents and all your friends that he had an affair while you were married? He's just trying to play the victim in all of this, when in fact he had the affair, he can now simply put up with the consequences of his actions which is the failure of his marriage and the fact that you will end up meeting someone else, as we generally meet friends of friends, work colleagues and so on, it's no surprise that you ended up with a mutual friend.

I think when already separated, in the process of getting a divorce you going out with whoever you damn well like is perfectly accepatable. If you read these boards you will see that there are a lot of people out there who are finding it very hard to meet someone who cares about them.

Don't throw away this chance with what sounds like a nice guy, who really cares about you out of some misplaced guilt over your ex. I'll write that again in big letters EX, he once had the right to feel whatever he wanted about your behaviour, as soon as you two decided to split, he lost that right.

Go, have fun with your new man, forget your ex, what he thinks of you and his friend's relationship and live your life and be with people who make you happy.


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Don't toss away a relationship that will make you happy just because it might make your EX, who you no longer see, unhappy. I thought my friend would work for him for a few months while she looked for a different job. She has now worked for him for more than a year. She stopped talking to me without giving me a reason a couple of months ago.

My daughter said that she has seen my best friend at my ex-husband's house on different occasions. Also, I just found out that they are both on a trip together.

My ex-husband lied about who he went with, and she and I haven't talked, so I guess she hasn't lied to me. I feel betrayed by my friend. I am not sure why she would just stop talking to me. I also feel betrayed by my ex. I feel that in a way he has stolen my friend.

I would normally talk to her about something like this. Since I don't have her, I really don't have anyone else to talk to.

Should I feel this sad about this? This isn't a love letter, really. You're devastated that your ex stole your friend, but it sounds like you can live with the fact that your friend stole your ex.


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  • That's good news — because it means you can probably deal with them as a couple if that's what they are , as long as they're good to you. Your best bet is to call your friend and tell her what you've heard. Then explain that you miss her and want to save the friendship. Because that's true, right?